Elton John Barnes used to play for Watford back in the 8o’s. He left the club in 1987 for places unknown, and this coincided with the Hornets’ eventual fall from top flight football. Luckily for the fans, Watford have got to their thirst fast and are holding and giving but doing it at the right time. They can be slow or fast but they must get to the line. They’ll always hit you and hurt you, defend and attack. There’s only one way to beat them – Get round the back.
Prediction: United fans to prove that Pogba is rubbish because he was playing during a defeat but Rooney is brilliant because he didn’t play in that defeat and, in fact, has remained undefeated through his entire captaincy. Rumour has it that our erstwhile leader could even have prevented the tragedies of 9/11 were he not best friends with Dubya at the time. 5-0 United.
You will never beat Watford with outdated battle raps.
As a change of pace, this week I was lucky enough to get an audience with established journo/Watford supporter/mafia don @Regista_Michael – here’s what he had to say (some names have been changed to spare the feelings of grieving families)
Me: Don Moruzzi, you’ve come a long way since arriving in this country. Tell me, did the struggle of those early years make organised crime the *only* option for you?
DM: Tell me, is it a crime to steal a loaf of bread if your family is starving? Now what if your family prefers cigarettes? Is it a crime to steal a truck full of cigarettes? What’s a truck?
Me: Is it true that you only support Watford as a legit cover for your money laundering and “Olive” “oil” business?
DM: Luca Brasi sleeps with the fishes.
Me: Taking that as a definite and incriminating ‘yes’. What do think of Watford’s chances today, particularly given United’s poor showing in their last two games.
DM: A man who doesn’t spend time with his family can never be a real man.
Me: Agreed. But the match?
DM: We are all honourable men here, we do not haver to give each other assurances as if we were lawyers.
Me: Not arguing with that mate, but the actual game?
DM: I have a feeling the referee is gonna have a huge influence on this game. 2-1 Watford, Rooney *will* go down in the fifth.
Me: ….Thank-you, Peter Baxendale-Thomas (The name I was asked to used for Michael Moruzzi, Head Cheese of the Mafia)
Prediction: Heads of the five families to be brutally murdered whilst Peter Baxendale-Thomas attends a Christening. 2-1 United, Rashford rescue in the 66th minute (he’s too pure to be corrupted)
Due to the…delicate…nature of this week’s interview, I have agreed to be the Tom Hagen hostage until the Don’s safe return. As long as Tom doesn’t publish his real name and crimes, I’m sure I’ll be back next week, arms still attached.
Prediction: Concrete boots/The Thames.