Rashford

Wolves 1 - 1 United

Wolves 1 – 1 United

AAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDD NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US etc.   Here’s the second load of 5 things we have already learned this season: 1. Crispy chilli beef is overrated. 2. Agreed. I’m not sure it’s even beef. Twiglets in a different sauce imho 3. Not that bad imho. Lost there twice last season did’t lose last night. […]

United 4 - 0 Chelsea

United 4 – 0 Chelsea

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD NOW YOU’RE GONNA etc Look, it’s the first 5 things learned of the season: 1. I liked how that kid scored a massive deflection and now he’s the new Ryan Giggs 2. How come Gary Neville doesn’t know how to use punctuation? 3. I watched it when I got home and it was not […]

FAC: Chelsea 0 - 2 United

FAC: Chelsea 0 – 2 United

The only real downside to last night’s result is the footage emerging of Alexis Sanchez looking very small. Apparently, he is just very small and not just very far away. Wait, two downsides: the MBM Krang/turtles tweet was wasted on all you scum.   Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. People sure don’t like Sanchez […]

Leicester 0 - 1 United

Leicester 0 – 1 United

In memory of the Tree, United scrapped to a tense one goal victory with no plan b. Goodnight sweet branchy cunt. Here’s another 5 things learned: 1. Arsenal are very bad 2. Rashford is very good. 3. Don’t do a preview before anyone else you’re wasting your life.

United 2 - 1 Brighton

United 2 – 1 Brighton

7 is the magic number as the Neneh Cherry ft. Youssou N’Dour and Brad Pitt song goes. What’s with the Neneh Cherry references in the last two weeks? Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. And now you’re gonna believe us… 2. And now you’re gonna believe us… 3. And now you’re gonna belieeeeeeve uuuuuusss… 4. […]

United vs. Brighton

United vs. Brighton

m (@Benglorious) It was my job this week to look up what ‘Albion’ meant. So, today we are playing Brighton and Past Tense of Heave England or Britain. No wonder nobody likes them. Prediction: Ole makes it seven out of seven in a seven goal drubbing of poor old Brighton. Mourinho takes the credit. 0 […]

Tottenham 0 - 1 United

Tottenham 0 – 1 United

So, Ole passed the test. Looking forward to him having to pass the next tests, and then still not getting the job at the end of the season having won the Champions League and secured a top 4 position. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Dave’s feet are actually hands 2. Don’t research that 3. […]

United 4 - 1 Bournemouth

United 4 – 1 Bournemouth

Starting to think sacking Mourinho was a good idea after all. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Pretty sure Rashford’s mum and dad are Maradona and Pele 2. Pele definitely not the dad 3. lol because of his limp member 4. lol

United 3 - 1 Huddersfield

United 3 – 1 Huddersfield

We’ve written “a lot”, so, no need to fill with this introduction this week.       Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Now we definitely know. 2. Stream was so bad I couldn’t really watch it. First half was ok but then it kept freezing loads then it went back in time, then it […]

United 4 - 1 Fulham

United 4 – 1 Fulham

Not taking any credit for this but my stream was perfect throughout the game, so…   Here’s 5 things we learned as United continued on their voyage of discovering what it feels like to finish 6th in the Premier League table: 1. It is clear now from that one game that Paul Pogba is a […]

Southampton 2 - 2 United

Southampton 2 – 2 United

Not quite the -25 – -25 thriller the finest experts in the land were predicting but the perfectly executed plan to leave Mark Hughes available in the summer when United are looking for a Director of Football to provide the essential guidance Jose Mourinho requires for the remainder of his odyssey…     Here’s 5 […]

West Ham 3 - 1 United

West Ham 3 – 1 United

So proud. Another none-loss at OT. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. You can make Febreze with fabric softener and water mixed in a spray bottle. 2. Beginning to think Jose Mourinho isn’t the brilliant tactician I thought he was [insert homer running in circles on the ground gif or don’t who fucking cares] 3. […]

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