United vs. Burnley

United vs. Burnley

With Marcus Rashford attending manual handling training for company compliance the goals scoring duties will have to be shared between the ghost of Ruud, Andreas from 59 yards, and O.G Here’s 5 things that, like our midfield, aren’t really things at all: 1. Someone pressed delete instead of copy on the WhatsApp group pre-match thoughts, […]

Norwich 1 – 3 United

And so the unbeaten run to all the trophies begins…   Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Someone needs to tell us penalties are supposed to ‘penalise’ the other team.

United 1 - 0 Leicester

United 1 – 0 Leicester

Did. Not. See. That. Coming. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Hawkeye’s storyline in Endgame was bit pointless for me, Clive 2. I was very disappointed with the win a defeat or loss would’ve suited all my tweets before the game that’s the most important thing 3. We all laughed when Hanna called him ‘Hawkeyes’ […]

Wolves 1 - 1 United

Wolves 1 – 1 United

AAAAANNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDDDD NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US etc.   Here’s the second load of 5 things we have already learned this season: 1. Crispy chilli beef is overrated. 2. Agreed. I’m not sure it’s even beef. Twiglets in a different sauce imho 3. Not that bad imho. Lost there twice last season did’t lose last night. […]

United 4 - 0 Chelsea

United 4 – 0 Chelsea

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNDDDDDDDD NOW YOU’RE GONNA etc Look, it’s the first 5 things learned of the season: 1. I liked how that kid scored a massive deflection and now he’s the new Ryan Giggs 2. How come Gary Neville doesn’t know how to use punctuation? 3. I watched it when I got home and it was not […]

FAC: Chelsea 0 - 2 United

FAC: Chelsea 0 – 2 United

The only real downside to last night’s result is the footage emerging of Alexis Sanchez looking very small. Apparently, he is just very small and not just very far away. Wait, two downsides: the MBM Krang/turtles tweet was wasted on all you scum.   Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. People sure don’t like Sanchez […]

Leicester 0 - 1 United

Leicester 0 – 1 United

In memory of the Tree, United scrapped to a tense one goal victory with no plan b. Goodnight sweet branchy cunt. Here’s another 5 things learned: 1. Arsenal are very bad 2. Rashford is very good. 3. Don’t do a preview before anyone else you’re wasting your life.

United 2 - 1 Brighton

United 2 – 1 Brighton

7 is the magic number as the Neneh Cherry ft. Youssou N’Dour and Brad Pitt song goes. What’s with the Neneh Cherry references in the last two weeks? Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. And now you’re gonna believe us… 2. And now you’re gonna believe us… 3. And now you’re gonna belieeeeeeve uuuuuusss… 4. […]

United vs. Brighton

United vs. Brighton

m (@Benglorious) It was my job this week to look up what ‘Albion’ meant. So, today we are playing Brighton and Past Tense of Heave England or Britain. No wonder nobody likes them. Prediction: Ole makes it seven out of seven in a seven goal drubbing of poor old Brighton. Mourinho takes the credit. 0 […]

Tottenham 0 - 1 United

Tottenham 0 – 1 United

So, Ole passed the test. Looking forward to him having to pass the next tests, and then still not getting the job at the end of the season having won the Champions League and secured a top 4 position. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Dave’s feet are actually hands 2. Don’t research that 3. […]

United 4 - 1 Bournemouth

United 4 – 1 Bournemouth

Starting to think sacking Mourinho was a good idea after all. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Pretty sure Rashford’s mum and dad are Maradona and Pele 2. Pele definitely not the dad 3. lol because of his limp member 4. lol

United 3 - 1 Huddersfield

United 3 – 1 Huddersfield

We’ve written “a lot”, so, no need to fill with this introduction this week.       Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Now we definitely know. 2. Stream was so bad I couldn’t really watch it. First half was ok but then it kept freezing loads then it went back in time, then it […]

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