Has he done the Wayne RoooOOOoooOOO000oney gag? Shit. What about the Marrying Formaldahyde one? What are the odds, eh? David Moyes, now that was scary.
Opposition summary: Crystal Palace are the best team in the Premiership League with a house in their name. Unless you count Aston Villa, but nobody does.
Prediction: A goal for us scored early by one of us would be good. If it was scored by them for us it would also be good. Basically, goals would be good for us and bad for them. Unless you’re them. In that case you’ll need to flip reverse that thing I said. Both Teams To Score At Exactly The Same Time is 14/1 at Bet365. Put a pony on it. 0-0 United.
I can’t do any as I’ve broken all my hands* thank you both for keeping me in your prayers.
*put real reason he couldn’t do any here
Prediction: Batman to fly the bomb out of the city and die. But does he? That aside, pretty good. 4-4 Palace.
.Apparently Crystal Palace have never beaten us in the Premier League. Would be ever so nice if these statters could provide evidence of these ridiculous claims every once in a while. Anyway, nice way to curse it stats. Apparently Juan Mata has never scored 5 goals against Crystal Palace in a game. Touche.
It’s Halloween, so expect Wayne RoooOOOoooOOO000oney, and Marrying Formaldahyde to strike fear into us reading the team sheet with them on it.
Vangle’s boys to stick it to Palace like Michael Jackson’s Thriller: ambling forwards excrutiatingly slowly, moving side to side in unison, like an army of soulless zombie folk, led by a bloke who went wronger the older he grew. Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahhahahahahahah *letter box sound effect*
Alan Pardew is an anagram of ‘Draw a plane’. Makes you think. About drawing planes. Probably.
Prediction: Danny with his costume change halfway through the second act. Me and Benno have got the score right twice in a row, so put your house and wife and kids on 0-0 United. Remember to gamble responsibly; if you’re a chicken with no bones. 0-0 United.