Postgame

Arsenal 2 - 0 United

Arsenal 2 – 0 United

Losing 2-0 is worse than drawing 1-1, which is a little better than drawing 0-0, but it’s much better when we win 2-0. Here’s 5 things we learned, aside from Danny Welbeck is a massive traitorer: 1. Didn’t watch it as was cleaning up dogshit. 2. Which was actually preferable. 3. I did watch it […]

EL Semi Final: Celta Vigo 0 - 1 United

EL Semi Final: Celta Vigo 0 – 1 United

Yung Rash = Paul Daniels. Pretty smalltime of Jose Mourinho to call us out on international TV for never actually managing to highlight 5 things we’ve learned imho. Here’s 5 things we learned, just for Jose: 1. Marcus Rashford is the future of everything (Orange lied to us). 2. Lovely touch having the A-Team playing […]

United 1 - 1 Swansea

United 1 – 1 Swansea

Jose Mourinho has turned drawing into an art form, and yet we all know that the definition of art is: A man or woman reading a book, to a deaf toy. I’ve forgotten my point.     Here’s 5 things we learned at the weekend: 1. We’re shit. 2. I cannot adequately express the rage […]

City 0 - 0 United

City 0 – 0 United

Another game and another drawing to death of the opposition. And football. M0-0urinho more like. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. 0-0 is half as good as 1-1. 2. See 3 and 4 for Tom’s thoughts on Fellaini. 3. More like Maro can you leave our football club Fellaini !! 4. But seriously he is […]

Burnley 0 - 2 United

Burnley 0 – 2 United

It was a triumphant return to the team for Skipper Roo: assisting all United’s attacking endeavours in his own unique way i.e delicate first touch and pace. His goal quite literally could not have been claimed by and credited to anyone else but our loveable Roondawg. Here’s to another 251!! Here’s the 5 things we […]

EL: United 2 (3) - (2) 1 Anderlecht

EL: United 2 (3) – (2) 1 Anderlecht

Another victorious victory at the half way stage of the Europa League tournament; only 743 matches to play until the final, which the players will be relieved to know is only played over 5 legs. Hashtag Rash is Life 4 Life yo! Here’s 5 things we Europa learned: 1. Rasherz with the R3 manoeuvres made […]

United 2 - 0 Chelsea

United 2 – 0 Chelsea

Before the game the naysayers were all like: “They can’t compete!” “There’s no way they’re going to get anything from this!” “The line-up isn’t good enough!” “Not strong enough!” “The great days are long gone!” “Blah-Blah-Blah” “Clown-shoes!” “Etc!”… And then we set the internet on fire with a another a great a joke. There was […]

EL: Anderlecht 1 - 1 United

EL: Anderlecht 1 – 1 United

Choo! Choo! Like a European express train made of not doing enough to kill of matches, with wheels made of draws, and passengers made of draws, pulling into the semi-final station of draws, at platform draws. All are bored (ALL ABOARD!).   Here’s 5 thing we learned: 1. Ghost Rider is in Agents of Shield. […]

Sunderland 0 - 3 United

Sunderland 0 – 3 United

Captain. Leader. Legend. Haterz gonna hate, but Fella’s gonna regulate! Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Goals are good.  

United 1 - 1 Everton

United 1 – 1 Everton

The Invincibles can bite our bangers as we continue our incredible run, drawing with everything in our path like a machine made of draws. We’re like the Ikea of football: *work on the punchline for this a joke for next week. Something, something Zlatan (Swedish), something, something drawers.* Here’s 5 things we learned about the […]

United 0 - 0 West Brom

United 0 – 0 West Brom

Fortress Old Trafford yet again proved¬†impenetrable to yet another top tier club from yet another of Europe’s elite leagues, yet again. Here’s five things we yet again learned yet again: 1. If you don’t watch it – because you’re finishing a path – and then check Twitter afterwards, you legit can’t tell if we’ve won […]

Middlesborough 1 - 3 United

Middlesborough 1 – 3 United

United’s tactics have come under intense scrutiny after their second half display saw them revert to a flat back eleven. For those of you who are new to Association Football, a flat back eleven is kind of like a flat back twelve but without the extra character bought in on the heist and without the […]

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