It’s all excitement and joy today in Bifurcated Towers as myself and Tom (the guy with the preview below mine that you always skip over to get to Brett’s little piece of insanity) are actually visiting the Theatre of Dreams in actual real life and stuff. Apparently, the previews we write are for actual real games and this is one of them. We don’t know why Brett isn’t coming, but we both thank him for paying for our tickets with that money that I told him was for Bifurcated-headed stationery.
The thing about today’s trip is that we will be “tourist fans”, which, according to a certain fanzine that shall remain nameless, are the worst thing in the world and it’s our fault that the, hmmm, “R-Issue” had to close down. “The Red-I” (that sounds way cooler) also took issue with families being happy but we’re neither of those things so they can’t be mad at us for that. My personal theory, however, is that because we’ll be gaining entry with Season Tickets, we are actually “real fans” and because there’s only 55,000 real fans in the whole world, we are better than the rest of you plastics who probably live in Essex and think you’re real fans because you write for a United website.
Prediction: After the 3-1 victory in the return fixture last year, Vangle will be looking to Di Maria to replicate his goal-of-the-season-contender from that game. Literally. Like, if he doesn’t copy it exactly he will be shipped out with Anderson to be his in-flight snack. Carrick’s out injured for the first time in his United career so whoever his replacement is will replace him. Rooney will score two to add to Angel’s earlier doppelgoäler giving us a comfortable three-goal win. 1-0 Leicester.
Chris is a big fan of fancy dress, stained glass windows and the diaries of George Washington:
Who is this?