Not really sure if there’s any point writing anything today. Liverpool are cruising to the title as we speak, and I’m pretty sure that is one of the harbingers of the apocalypse. Don’t quote me on that; it’s been a while since I read that Bible thing. I suppose I should fulfil my contractual obligations to this website, before I spend the rest of my Bank Holiday finding a cheap lawyer to get me out of said contract. Wonder if Paul Stretford does pro bono? Why would anyone be pro-Bono? The man’s so smug and self-righteous that I can’t even think of a half-decent analogy.
David Moyes has done pretty well this season, even after losing last season’s top goalscorer. He’s had his poor moments, let’s be honest, but to still be challenging near the top of the table with the squad he’s got needs commend…
[Phone rings: “Hello?…. The United manager?!…. Since when?….. But what about Fergie?….. END OF LAST SEASON?! Jebus….. Then who…. The Wigan manager?….. Yup…. Yup….. Mmmhmmm….. I know, I know…. They asked ME to write for THEM, it’s not my fault that I know nothing about football, but having Moyes in charge would explain a lot about this season….. ……. ……. ……. …… …… …… I’ve tried, Mum, I don’t think enough people read this to be honest, and most people have laptops nowadays so they wouldn’t need your monitor…. Personally, I’d bin it, but I’m sure Oxfam would love it sitting on their shelf for 6 months before they throw it in the bin…. Sorry, you’ve thrown me a bit with that Fergie stuff….. Yup, I’ll keep trying…. Okay, then. I’ll see you next Tuesday….. Sorry! I didn’t think you’d know what that meant. Anyway, gotta go. Love you, mummy.”]
Players to watch out for today would’ve included Fellaini, but apparently he plays for us now.
Prediction: This is obviously a bigger game for the Toffees than for United, as they’ve got a realistic chance of finishing fourth. That doesn’t mean that we should just hand them the game, and I fully expect Rooney to score from 117 yards against his old club, before Welbz zup zups his way through the Everton defence to slot a goal of the season contender all whilst De Gea throws himself about at the other end like Dr Octopus fighting Spiderman AND Green Goblin to keep the unlikeliest of clean sheets under immense pressure. 1-0 Everton.
Free to a good home: Rotary washing line, pegs not included.
About the author: I need to stop using Soccer AM for my research.
When we look back on this season, taking all things into account, we will no doubt look at the job David Moyes has done and realise just how good a manager he really is. He’s done amazingly well to shape the tired squad he was left with by his long serving Scottish predecessor. The way the previous manager had shaped the club tactically and mentally, meant he had his work cut out to put his own unique stamp on things, but he’s managed it seemingly effortlessly. The Fellaini transfer was an absolute masterstroke – never has a team needed a bold statement of intent like that to really push on and introduce a new, more dynamic, dimension to their attacking play. He’s taken the step up in his stride: he always looked capable of going on to manage at a higher level, and he’s really shown that.
Oh, David Moyes is our manager, isn’t he?! I keep forgetting. Okay, the first paragraph still stands: just substitute David Moyes out for Roberto Martinez. I’d forget my neck if David Moyes hadn’t made me repeatedly smash it against a brick wall for the past 7 months. My head went a little bit before that.
So, will he play the triangle, or won’t he?! Personally, I think if he’s going to play anything at his leaving do, it should be the trombone.
Prediction: Manchester United to put in a complaint to the Premier League, stating that teams have been at an unfair advantage going into games against us knowing beforehand how rubbish we are, and they agree to play the whole season again.