United 1 – 0 Sheffield United

Heard Vangle’s philosophy involves beating all the goals out of the players at half time using a limp effigy of Bebe, naked, crafted from Falcao’s unwashed gussets, left in lost property. Why he left just the gussets I do not know. My source suspects the rest of the underpant material is being used for something potentially more arousing sadistic.

Anyway, it’s getting hot in herre … here’s 5 things we learned:

é) If you don’t watch the game or the highlights and just ask Paul for his summary (“Groundhog Day, specifically the bit where Bill Murray has given up hope”), it’s funnier.

2) I don’t know when it happened or who’s to blame but we’re not good anymore.

75a) I do know when it happened and who’s to blame but essentially Benno is accurate.

Appendix iii) YASSS I was definitely due some correctness.

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United 2 - 0 Huddersfield Town

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Tottenham Hotspurs 2 - 0 United

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