Luke Shaw

Bournemouth vs. United

Bournemouth vs. United

(@Benglorious) I am on holiday so suck your disappointment right on its dick. Prediction: Me to ruin my holiday for me (I’m obvs on holiday alone cos me) by constantly checking my phone to see what great a jokes Brett is tweeting tonight. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) What words? Are we playing tonight? On a […]

Tottenham Hotspur vs. United

Tottenham Hotspur vs. United

(@Benglorious) Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over […]

United 1 - 1 Everton

United 1 – 1 Everton

The Invincibles can bite our bangers as we continue our incredible run, drawing with everything in our path like a machine made of draws. We’re like the Ikea of football: *work on the punchline for this a joke for next week. Something, something Zlatan (Swedish), something, something drawers.* Here’s 5 things we learned about the […]

United vs. Everton

United vs. Everton

(@Benglorious) I’m sure we played yesterday, if you can call it playing lol. Yeah, Brett, I stole your joke – that’s how bad things are. m Prediction: Goals for Lukaku and Big Dunc. 0-0 United. m m  (@tom_mcghee) David Moyes sure does it bad. m Aliens (1986) James Cameron recreates Avatar (2009) shot-for-shot but before that and with […]

EL: Fenerbahce 2 - 1 United

EL: Fenerbahce 2 – 1 United

Jose Moruinho more like. That’s actually pretty good. For us. You can’t have that one. Here’s 5 things we learned, aside from the fact we are pretty good at mixy-letter-word jokes: 1. I have no idea what is going on at United but it is actually bad. 2. Luke Shaw really needs to hit the […]

EL: United vs. Zorya

EL: United vs. Zorya

   ICBM-nominated for beating Brett at Stratego (@Benglorious) Zorya is not a thing. Even though I’ve now heard of it, it’s still not a thing. Apropos of almost nothing (the Bifurcated motto), here’s some things that start with ‘z’ that actually are things: Zebra (shit horse) Zombie (shit person) Zodiac (shit goats and shit) Zelda (shit […]

T. That: Shaw

T. That: Shaw

United 2 - 0 Southampton

United 2 – 0 Southampton

“Remember when we won the league after two games. That was today.” Says it all. ‘Says it all’, although integral to the point, and acting somewhat as a qualifier/modifier (delete whichever is somewhere near closest to the appropriate rhetorical device) to the point being made, doesn’t count as an extra sentence, the top sentence stands […]

Bournemouth 1 - 3 United

Bournemouth 1 – 3 United

Bournemouth were left speechless – GEDDIT?! cos mouth – as Juan Marta – GEDDIT?! cos sub – Wane Rooney – GEDDIT?! cos last 21 years – and Zlatan Ibrahitthenets – GEDDIT?! cos goals – hit them for six divided by two – GEDDIT?! cos maths and idiom*. If the English Premier League stopped right now […]

CL: PSV 2 - 1 United

CL: PSV 2 – 1 United

5 things we learnt watching United’s Champions League defeat: 1. Nobody likes Hector Moreno. 2. Everybody likes Luke Shaw. 3. Football clubs are the worst clubs. They cost loads to get in and you have to sing your own songs. At least you can get in wearing trainers. 4. Anthony Martial has a melting point […]

CL: United vs Brugge

CL: United vs Brugge

  m  Benno (@Benglorious)   LADS LADS LADS IT’S CHAMPIONS LEAGUE qualifiers I went to Brugge once.  I didn’t.  I saw In Bruges (2008) once.  Are they the same place?  I guess we’ll never know.  All we do know is that Brugge is an anagram of ‘bugger’ and In Bruges is an anagram of ‘Colin Farrell is a nob’. […]

Shaw

Shaw

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