Chelsea 0 – 2 United
Bahahahahahahahaha let’s see how long we can keep this up clue: not very long. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Having a midfielder who can pass accurately and quickly is handy. Also a guy who can take corners. Seems so obvious with hindsight. 2. Fred is a delight 3. Luke Shaw is quite clearly 90% […]
United vs. Arsenal
(@Benglorious) Prediction: Change of Luck? M (@tom_mcghee) Prediction: Forgot to reply to this. That’s not a good sign re: words imho M (@bifurcated_utd) Luke Shaw returns to the side after his final treatment in the long since documented series of minor cosmetic adjustments in his bid to become Gary Barlow in 1995, so, expect everything […]
Bifurclownshoes “Season” Review
*abso maverick glolorific intro to rapturous applause* *from Paul* Here’s some questions we asked each other to pad this excuse for Tom to share his considered thoughts on the 2018/19 season: 1. What shape is a/the wheel? Benno: It doesn’t matter what shape the wheel is, it matters who’s at said wheel and […]
United vs. Cardiff
(@Benglorious) At least when this game is over we can look forward to not hearing about United until next season. Not one single word about how bad the players have been. Nothing about how our rivals have surpassed us easily. Nothing about potential transfers, both in and out. It’s going to be glorious. Prediction: Goals […]
CL: United 0 – 1 Barcelona
With the treble very much still on, Ole’s clearly briefed the team to save all the goals for when it really matters. At least we can look forward to more possession in the home leg next week. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Juve fans are not good. 2. Hanna likes the ‘bird pigeons’ bahaha […]
United 2 – 1 Leicester
CHAMPIONEEEES!! CHAMPIONEEEES!!! OLAY!! OLAY!! OLAY!! That’s right … Mushrooms and Skin Cream. Mushrooms and Skin Cream. Here’s 5 things we learned (we actually learned 6 things but Brett’s 6th thing was diss on the NHS, so, he is a “bad” “guy”): 1. Winning is definitely better than losing. 2. Ladies and gentleman we […]
Bournemouth vs. United
(@Benglorious) I am on holiday so suck your disappointment right on its dick. Prediction: Me to ruin my holiday for me (I’m obvs on holiday alone cos me) by constantly checking my phone to see what great a jokes Brett is tweeting tonight. 0-0 United. m (@tom_mcghee) What words? Are we playing tonight? On a […]
Tottenham Hotspur vs. United
(@Benglorious) Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over […]
United 1 – 1 Everton
The Invincibles can bite our bangers as we continue our incredible run, drawing with everything in our path like a machine made of draws. We’re like the Ikea of football: *work on the punchline for this a joke for next week. Something, something Zlatan (Swedish), something, something drawers.* Here’s 5 things we learned about the […]
United vs. Everton
(@Benglorious) I’m sure we played yesterday, if you can call it playing lol. Yeah, Brett, I stole your joke – that’s how bad things are. m Prediction: Goals for Lukaku and Big Dunc. 0-0 United. m m (@tom_mcghee) David Moyes sure does it bad. m Aliens (1986) James Cameron recreates Avatar (2009) shot-for-shot but before that and with […]
EL: Fenerbahce 2 – 1 United
Jose Moruinho more like. That’s actually pretty good. For us. You can’t have that one. Here’s 5 things we learned, aside from the fact we are pretty good at mixy-letter-word jokes: 1. I have no idea what is going on at United but it is actually bad. 2. Luke Shaw really needs to hit the […]