EL: Zorya 0 – 2 United

I had to write out 200 words from a WhatsApp convo, so you can suck on your disappointment if you want me to write anything else apart from here’s 5 things we learned from the Europa League glory:

 

1) Hards pitches equals wins.

2) Cement over Old Trafford pitch.

3) ??????

4) Profit.

5. Song for Mkhitaryan (to tune of Englishman in New York by Classic the Sting)

Whoa-oh, Mkhitaryan

Henrik Mkhitaryan,

He’s Mkhitaryan he’s not Dwight Yorke

(OR ‘he’s shy and retiring when he talks’.) feel free to award me Grammys and such.

6. Damn you. Really been struggling to find a song for him.

7. When it comes to songs it’s just me and Randy Newman left.

8) *ahem* And I think it’s gonna be a long, long time

Til touchdown brings me round again to find

I’m not the man they think I am at home

Oh, no, no, no Mkhitaryan.

9. Classic Beat It.

10) ffs you two pricks could’ve piped up weeks ago. I’ve got a list of like 30 fucking songs that swap Bailly for Baby.

11. I feel we’ve gone off message.

12. Your face has gone of messa

13. Hope you both get rickets for Christmas.

14. Now can’t stop singing:

I saw my Bailly

Crying hard as babe could cry

What could I do?

My Bailly’s love had gone

And left my Bailly blue

Nobody knew

but in a perfect Bowie voice. You’d never know it was me.

15. Who is this?

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