Southampton 0 – 0 United

We asked Jose Mourinho to comment on the last 6 years of Bifurcated, and he had this to say: The intensity is there. Which is just what I ask for. I could not ask for more. 

Here’s 5 things we learned when the football interrupted our 90 minutes of doing other things to ease the pain i.e glassing ourselves with glass made from sharks:

1. Football is rubbish

2. There’s these cunts on GTA that seem able to withstand loads of bullets but can kill you in like 2 shots. And he was only doing it because I blew up his helicopter.

3. Jake threw a party at a conference because the Buffalo PD got arrested for corruption

4. Holt loves thermometers

5. STEVE HOLT

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More 'Postgame'

Chelsea 1 - 0 United

Chelsea 1 – 0 United

CL: United 2 - 0 Benfica

CL: United 2 – 0 Benfica

United 1 - 0 Tottenham Hotspurs

United 1 – 0 Tottenham Hotspurs

EFLC: Swansea 0 - 2 United

EFLC: Swansea 0 – 2 United

Huddersfield 2 - 1 United

Huddersfield 2 – 1 United

CL: Benfica 0 - 1 United

CL: Benfica 0 – 1 United

Liverpool 0 - 0 United

Liverpool 0 – 0 United

United 4 (FOUR) - 0 Crystal Palace

United 4 (FOUR) – 0 Crystal Palace

CL: CSKA Moscow 1 - 4 (FOUR) United

CL: CSKA Moscow 1 – 4 (FOUR) United

More 'Reaction'

Chelsea 1 - 0 United

Chelsea 1 – 0 United

CL: United 2 - 0 Benfica

CL: United 2 – 0 Benfica

United 1 - 0 Tottenham Hotspurs

United 1 – 0 Tottenham Hotspurs

EFLC: Swansea 0 - 2 United

EFLC: Swansea 0 – 2 United

Huddersfield 2 - 1 United

Huddersfield 2 – 1 United

CL: Benfica 0 - 1 United

CL: Benfica 0 – 1 United

Liverpool 0 - 0 United

Liverpool 0 – 0 United

United 4 (FOUR) - 0 Crystal Palace

United 4 (FOUR) – 0 Crystal Palace

CL: CSKA Moscow 1 - 4 (FOUR) United

CL: CSKA Moscow 1 – 4 (FOUR) United