West Brom vs United

Benno (@Benglorious):

It’s been such a relief having this international break and watching some superb England performances.  I’ve never understood how people can say “club before country”.  Firstly, the national team is obviously better at the football because it’s picked from the best players in the country, which makes their games far more enjoyable to watch.  Twoly, that particular opinion is high treason and this can still be punishable by death.  So next time you hear someone saying that they’d prefer their club to win matches rather than England become a dominant force on the world stage, just take a mental note of their name and/or description and pass that information on to the relevant authorities: the FA,  MI6 or the Beefeaters (the ridiculously attired crow-feeders at the Tower of London, NOT the restaurant chain).

A quick bit of “research” this morning on WBA took me to the Youtube and several boring videos of what appeared to be girls playing netball except they were bouncing the ball and there was a lot of “smack-talking” (NOT discourse about drugs, by the way).  Once I’d figured out how to correctly spell ‘WBA’ (thanks, Mum x) I found out that they’re actually a football team near Birmynum and that WBA is only a shortening of their full name, West Brom.  Amongst their loyal supporters, the “Baggies” (no, me neither) are affectionately known as ‘West Bromwich Albion Associated Football Club’ which is mostly just to annoy everyone from East Bromwich Albion Residents Association Bridge Club.  The dangermen for United to watch out for will be Cyrille Regis, Stéphane Sessègnon and Lenny Henry.

Prediction:  With Vangle having seen all his troops in World Cup-winning form over the international break, he’ll have a very easy job plotting the destruction of West Brom.  Little Angel will terrorise their midfield from the outset, laying on an early goal for Little Robin who’ll return the favour within minutes for a comfortable two goal lead.  Little Radamel will complete his adjustment to the English game by scoring from 30, 35 and 49 yards respectively.  A fourth effort of his in the second half from 63 yards is actually hit so hard it sends the crossbar spiralling out of the ground, eventually landing in the NEC’s car park whilst the poor bruised football dribbles out for a goal kick.  Little Yannis Zye will come on whilst a replacement crossbar is installed, and he will set up Little Juan for an easy tap-in after some totes amazeballs skills leave eight Baggies on their posteriors.  The last goal will come in the final five minutes when Little Radamel scores his fourth as he’s being substituted off in the traditional “score three goals, go home early” we all know and love.  1-0 WBA.

In the first of a new series, and inspired by a genius piece of Jordan Henderson fan art, I’d like to present my acrostic of Mr David De Gea, who lists among his interests: Keeping goals, eating and breathing.

I’ve done one of these for each player, so hopefully there’s not more than twelve games left in the season or I’ll have run out and you’ll have to look at pictures of my holiday or cats or something.  Probably the cats.  Bitches love cats.

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Brett:

Personally, I’d be all for boycotting this game until the east and west of Bromwich are re-unified. The migration of the intellectual elite across the border to the west, has left the easNo, NO, NO … let’s not sail the good ship soccer into the murky wafers of politix. I still laugh out loud inside when I never recall the time Titanic director, and manager of Blue, David Cameron said that he had once had a football in Leeds train station, though couldn’t remember if it was a size 5 official football or a 99p floater from the seaside, but enjoyed the football nonetheless. And I just want to hide behind my eyes, when I look back at that time Margaret Thatcher gave David Beckham the order to shoot that penalty at Argentina, even though Michael Owens had dived, creating the opportunity illegally. And who could forget the forgettable time Tony Blair played a few games for Newcastle while strumming guitar, and as a direct consequence was put on trial for Wor crimes.

Anyway, today’s visitors are us and the WBA are straight outta Coventry on the Ringway Rudge/A4053 towards Exit 8.

I’ve seen some pictures on the nets of our day out at that assault course Gordon Burns wouldn’t even waste his spit on. Whatever floats your hausboat, but if I were LVG I’d be strapping on my life jacket, cos on the horizon, sharking for work, is a very impressive manager whose re-emergence this week has sent shock waves across bird tables two doors down.

Prediction: This week’s winner with a Krypton Factor of 3: it’s Richard Bacon impersonator, from the Nether regions, Robin van Persie.