United vs. Crystal Palace
(@Benglorious) We’re back, baby, like shit trainers and herpes. This time things will be different, though. Taking a leaf from the Athletic’s journalistic model means we now have writers at the top of their game, articles with fancy words (like herpes) that will be professionally researched, and also the most cutting-edge, up-to-date news anywhere. […]
United vs. Chelsea
(@Benglorious) Remember that time we beat Chelsea because Herrera stood on top of their best player for the whole match like a tiny Spanish hat? Well, today we’re fucked because Ander’s only gone and got himself a terminal injury as per BT Sport’s insightful commentary team. Maybe we could just try and beat them […]
United vs. WBA
(@Benglorious) It’s been so long since I watched any football that wasn’t full of broken legs and weird statues that I’m actually looking forward to watching the game today. Any spare tickets? I also need a lift and accommodation. And spending money. www.patreon.com/bifurcated m m Prediction: With Jones out, injured by Smalling, and Smalling out, […]
FAC: Everton vs. United
Benno (@Benglorious) It’s FA Cup day!! The ultimate pinnacle conclusive game of the season, and we’re in it! This is the payoff we deserve after a hard-fought season, full of ups and downs and shimmys and shakes. *phone rings* “Hello, thanks for calling Bifurcated. How may I help you on this fine day of football?…………Semi-final, you […]