United vs. Jose
(@Benglorious) It’s been a while but we’re back, baby. It may be half-hearted and lacklustre but that’s branding for you. It’s all about those clicks and numbers, bro. I could tell you what we’ve been doing during our recent hiatus, but then Paul would know how he lost his blue tick. Love him or hate […]
Tottenham vs. United
m (@Benglorious) Fuck Andy Murray. I don’t hate him because he’s Scottish. I don’t hate him because he’s a miserable cunt. I don’t even hate him because he plays the most Tory of sports. I hate him because he let the Green Goblin kill Gwen Stefani. Prediction: Respect from Poch, enthusiasm from Ole, narrative from […]
Southampton 2 – 2 United
Not quite the -25 – -25 thriller the finest experts in the land were predicting but the perfectly executed plan to leave Mark Hughes available in the summer when United are looking for a Director of Football to provide the essential guidance Jose Mourinho requires for the remainder of his odyssey… Here’s 5 […]
Newcastle 1 – 0 United
Phil Jones and Chris Smalling are the best. BEST. ABSO BEST. In a parallel Universe Jose got his wish and the game is still being played. It’s currently 9087 – 0. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. I didn’t watch the game because I wasn’t watching it. 2. My new jam is Taken The Series. […]
EL Semi Final: Celta Vigo vs. United
m m (@Benglorious) Celta Vigo are not a team United should be taking lightly this evening. After all, this IS the business end of the elite Europa competition-that-isn’t-for-the-best-clubs-in-Europe-but-still-gives-us-annoying-midweek-games-that-make-us-draw-all-our-important-matches-but-at least-if-we-do-win-the-whole-thing-it-does-mean-that-we’re-better-than-Liverpool League. Prediction: Another debut goal for Rashford and yet another hat-trick for Ronaldo as the Reds cruise to an easy victory. 0-0 United m m (@tom_mcghee) […]
United vs. WBA
(@Benglorious) It’s been so long since I watched any football that wasn’t full of broken legs and weird statues that I’m actually looking forward to watching the game today. Any spare tickets? I also need a lift and accommodation. And spending money. www.patreon.com/bifurcated m m Prediction: With Jones out, injured by Smalling, and Smalling out, […]
Everton vs. United
(@Benglorious) Conspiracy theories are as much a part of human existence as hair and the films of Adam Sandler. From the assassination of JFK to the rise of the Lizard People, from Elvis being alive to the moon landing being faked, proponents of these theories have long been dismissed as ‘unstable’ and ‘crackpot’. Until now. I’m […]
Swansea vs. United
(@Benglorious) Jose has a lot to do to change United’s fortunes after suffering his eighty-ninth consecutive defeat earlier in the week. Another forty defeats or so and he may have to seriously start worrying about his job, particularly as David Moyes has won more games than him and is also available without a notice period […]
Bournemouth 1 – 3 United
Bournemouth were left speechless – GEDDIT?! cos mouth – as Juan Marta – GEDDIT?! cos sub – Wane Rooney – GEDDIT?! cos last 21 years – and Zlatan Ibrahitthenets – GEDDIT?! cos goals – hit them for six divided by two – GEDDIT?! cos maths and idiom*. If the English Premier League stopped right now […]