Unfortunately for the thousands upon thousands of Bifurcated fans around the world, Bifurcated has parted company with our resident musician faux-Dion Dublin. We have cut all imagined ties with the Jazz fusion triped after he was spotted in real life moonlighting on the Beeb’s MOTD3 programme.
FEAR NOT! The house band has been on a recruitment drive since ‘In a Word’ and replaced the ‘Dubemeister’ with Hip-Hop/Garage legend faux-Andrew Cole and faux-Peter Schmeichel…
The downloadable audio version of the song was destroyed by the production company as much to their annoyance faux-Peter Schmeichel refused to restrict his performance to anything less than 17 continuous piano and guitar solos.
Here’s a version we recorded while faux-Peter was distracted by his own reflection…
*The looped sample to the opening bars of Dire Straits's Money For Nothing fades in...*
*After the guitar lick builds a Hip-Hop beat
kicks in and loops over the top.
The Money for Nothing sample continues to repeat
as part of the backing track (If you can tell I
haven't got a clue what I'm talking about then hush,
you're ruining it for everyone else).
The guitar lick has sampled quotes layered over
the top as the tension builds towards the verse.
The O.T stadium announcer, "Number 25, Antonio Valencia"!
Rooney, "It's great to have him in the team".
Jeff Stelling, "What a cross, from that young man".
Ecaudorian commentator "Gooooal Valencia"!*
*The sampled chorus thumps back in...
punctuated with freestyled Ad-libs*
*The guitar lick builds again and again the
Hip-Hop beat kicks in and loops over the top.
This time interspersed with sampled quotes from
SAF "He's a great lad".
Alan Hansen "Unbelievable"!
Guy Mowbray "What a finish by Valencia"
and Sir Bobby Charlton "He's some player"
dipping in and under the drum beat as it
builds to the second verse*
*A sample of 'Dream Warriors - My Definition
of A Boombastic Jazz Style' cuts in above
the backing track momentarily, repeating the line
"My definition, my definition is this..."*
*The sampled chorus thumps back in...while
Faux-Andy Cole and Brett Burgers have a dance off with
Tony V himself*
*Repeats to fade...and the distant sound of a telephone can be heard...*
Woah!! That’ll be ruddy PRS again! Better make a move.
Okay, on the subject of legalities, any likenesses of the characters in this post to real Andrew Cole’s or Peter Schmeichel’s is purely coincidental.
And we love Nani really (mostly).