United stuff

250ney! Revroo!!

250ney! Revroo!!

  Wayne Mark Rooney. Captain. Leader. Legend. 250 goals scored in a United shirt to take the record out of Sir Bobby Charlton’s skeletal grasp. To put that in perspective: If he played for another 36 years he’d have 1000 goals. That would almost make me forget about the two transfer requests. Almost. The problem […]

Bifurcated’s Inside Scoopage

As promised, us the real heroes, have got the hot scoop (old newspaper term) on the most recent club leaks. Obviously as superfans we’ve long been privy to the club’s inner workings but think the time is right to tell you, the reader, what we’ve learnt. Learned? Learnt? (These are alternative forms of the past […]

Sherwood Takes Charge

Tim Sherwood walked into the dressing room. Louis van Gaal’s reign had been a disaster, with United failing to make the Champions League, or even the Europa League. There had been an outcry among the papers, and, in their infinite wisdom, Ed Woodward and the Glazer family had decided a domestic manager was the best option. Sherwood’s run […]

A Perennial Problem: Or When Is A Tree Actually A Tree?

A Perennial Problem: Or When Is A Tree Actually A Tree?

Trees – the lungs of the planet: the perfect accompaniment to a park, a woodland walk, or an illustration of a grassy hillock. What’s not to like about trees? But, what happens when trees get ideas above their station? Humans have been passing themselves off as trees ever since the olden days, adopting tree-like characteristics […]

Thomas Cooked?

Thomas Cooked?

Tom Cleverley is fertile ground for cynics, and it would be reasonable to assert that he’s invited this upon himself in apparently choosing to embrace narcissism where authenticity would have served him better. Cynics are, after all, hopeless romantics with cripplingly high moral and ethical (and mostly hypocritical) standards, that the modern footballer couldn’t possibly […]

I Was Thinking: Is It Ever Just About Football?

I Was Thinking: Is It Ever Just About Football?

I was thinking about an adage that I like: “the problem with going on holiday in order to ‘get away from it all’, is that you take yourself with you.” This is pertinent when we think about football, as football is something we mostly like to think of as an ‘escape’. I was thinking about […]

United's defence: I don't want to talk about it.

United’s defence: I don’t want to talk about it.

For a minute back there, I thought we were going to be treated (for treated read: not at all treated) to front row seats as David Moyes’ private fantasy – of running a team with Rio and Vidic at the heart of the defence, no matter what – played out all over our goal difference […]

Present Absence

Present Absence

We sometimes find ourselves saying things like: ‘If only RVP had been available for the derby.’ Or, ‘if only Fellaini was any one of a whole rake of other players who you care to mention.’ Or, ‘if only Ashley Young had legs that fit right, and were on the right way round.’  Or, ‘if only […]

A Seven Aside

A Seven Aside

For the first time since Michael Owen, Manchester United are starting a season without a player wearing the number 7 shirt. In the end it took a neat side-step from Antonio Valencia (which is funny, ‘cus he doesn’t do that anymore) to consign the shirt to Albert Morgan’s sewing box for the foreseeable future. There […]

Danny, Me and Henry...

Danny, Me and Henry…

I was asked a couple of years back which other player Danny reminded me of the most and, without pausing for breath, I replied: “Henry” because he did … a little bit. It was met with such unexpectedly high levels of derision that, to save face; to pretend I wasn’t wounded – and that in fact […]

United's Midfield: Needing Something Other

United’s Midfield: Needing Something Other

For the past one hundred summers (or thereabouts), the transfer window for United fans has played out like a clever analogy for unparalleled frustration; with nothing remotely central-midfieldy to celebrate. But for a club who supposedly don’t have, haven’t had, or even seemingly got all that close to buying, any one of the best central […]

Come on feel the Moyes...

Come on feel the Moyes…

I met David Moyes once – I was working in a hotel as a ‘meeter and greeter’ (though a more accurate description of that job should’ve been, ‘a sounding board for abusive stag group bants and lols’), when inamongst the usual faces, indifferent to my breezy offers of assistance, I spied a very familiar one. […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...