United 2 - 0 Leicester

United 2 – 0 Leicester

This game was so long ago that no-one cares. Here’s 5 things to not care about: 1. We were only half as good as the last game. 2. But still eighteen-thirds better than Arsenal. 3. Even Arsenal are eighteen-thirds better than Arsenal. 4. Guardians of the Galaxy 2 was good I liked it when there […]

J.Lennon: Memphis Depay

J.Lennon: Memphis Depay

EL: Zorya vs. United

EL: Zorya vs. United

 (@Benglorious) Zorya. Again. Still no idea what they are. What I do know is that their pitch is really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard. Just like any pitch near the Arctic Circle, in the middle of winter, would be.   Prediction: Expect goals at either end, probably with nets. […]

United 4 - 1 Fenerbahce

United 4 – 1 Fenerbahce

Wayne “Roondawg, Skipperdy-Skip-Skip, Capper-Roo” Rooney returned to the first team and inspired a resounding victory against one of Europe’s averagest teams, who could make Dundee United look like 1990’s Ajax. And made everyone look relatively great again, in a competition that defies context, meaning, or worth. Great times. Paul Pogba, the second best of all […]

LC: Northampton 1 - 3 United

LC: Northampton 1 – 3 United

Lashitinfromayradfromgoallikehthehammerlegendyourareford more like. In other news: Skipper Roo finally silenced his critics with a display of such wanting-to-chainsaw-your-eyes-out-with-a-chainsaw-made-from-barbed-wire-so-you-can-never-suffer-watching-him-play-football-again depths. We all killed ourselves irl and that’s why we are silent, is the a joke. I’m writing this from beyond the grave. Tell my mum to feed the cat. And not the oily tuna. It plays […]

LC: Northampton vs. United

LC: Northampton vs. United

  m  FBA-Nominated Maverick (@Benglorious) The last time we played Northampton we actually had good players who were proven goalscorers for United – Diego Forlan and Mikaël Silvestre both netted that day. Those were the good times. Nowadays, we’re not even sure we can beat a team that is five hundred places below us in the league […]

EL: Feyenoord 1 - 0 United

EL: Feyenoord 1 – 0 United

Oh how we missed our talisman/leader/creator/boss/inspiration/MVP/top dawg. Nasri. Here’s 5 thi etc… A) Rojo more like oh no! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha but seriously so bad. 6) One of their chants meant ‘Zlatan is a Chloe’. No idea but as long as it’s not bad I think this is great. VI) Had legit forgotten Memphis was a thing. […]

FA Cup Final: Crystal Palace vs. United

FA Cup Final: Crystal Palace vs. United

 Benno (@Benglorious) FA Cup Final day is the most important day of the year unless Arsenal are playing. They’re not, so we all dodged a collective bullet this year. Can you actually imagine how big such a bullet, and how big the gun that fired it, would have to be, not even taking into account that everyone […]

United 1 - 0 Watford

United 1 – 0 Watford

BAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA!!! WE’RE GONNA DO A TREBLE!!!! Here’s 5 things we learned about this game/life: i) If you watch the first half and it’s bad actually bad but then have to go out and come home to find it’s 1-0, it’s loads funnier. B) Watford’s mistake was missing all their chances. appendix) Streams are good except […]

United vs. Watford

United vs. Watford

n n  Benno (@Benglorious) Henry? Jane? Focus? Mondeo? All potential answers to the ultimate question: Watford? *pause for laugh* Thanks, pretty proud of that one. Opposition Summary: Watford play in a vicarage so they always look forward to their away games where they can play on a full-size pitch and their fans can drink something other than […]

United 3 - 2 Arsenal

United 3 – 2 Arsenal

MEMPHIS FULL STOP RASHFORD IN BRACKETS. Here’s the 5 things thing: 1) Beating goonsquad is always great (I re-learnt this). 2) I’ve worked out numbers. 3) Mata and Herrera and Memphis are good at football. 4) Marcus Rashford is a hammerlegend. 18) Would happily miss every match if it meant winning them all. 21) No […]

EL: United 5 (6) – 1(3) Mtyjitylityland

Suck on your disappointment haterzzz!!! Bangle’s voyz are so back, they’re practically made of backs!! Rashford is so hot right now: cooking bacon. Back bacon, cos of the back thing earlier. And all the other players are serving up some back bacon too, just a little bit less cooked, cos he’s the Head Chef in […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...