Chelsea

     (@Benglorious) The FA Cup final. Today is when we finally see the results of our 38 training matches this season culminate in a tactical masterclass, leading to United winning the most important, if not the only, trophy in European club football. Winning the FA Cup for the second time in his career will […]

I don’t need to write anything about the game here, as the 5 things we learned bit below more than makes up the word count. Here’s  5 things we learned: 1. The best bit was tasting Graeme’s salty tears. 2. Other good bits were Lukaku and Pogba and Matic. 3. Sanchez was not a good […]

  (@Benglorious) Remember that time we beat Chelsea because Herrera stood on top of their best player for the whole match like a tiny Spanish hat? Well, today we’re fucked because Ander’s only gone and got himself a terminal injury as per BT Sport’s insightful commentary team. Maybe we could just try and beat them […]

Remember after four or five games in to the season when we were all saying how amazing Jose Mourinho was; Matic and Lukaku were the best signings ever and the missing pieces in the title jigsaw, and how good we were playing? Neither do we. Here’s another 5 things we learned from yet another game, […]

  (@Benglorious) Chelsea are the reigning champions. They play in blue kits in a nice part of London called Fulham. They used to have a player called Bumstead and another called Spackman. These names still make me laugh. Do you know what else makes me laugh? John Terry crying. Prediction: If she don’t come, I’ll […]

 @Benglorious) I like watching football when we win. I won’t be watching tonight. Prediction: Lukaku to bullseye womp rats in his T-16 back home. 0-0 United. m     m  (@tom_mcghee) As the questions over Brett’s tenuous grasp of reality continue to flood the secret DM group that me and Benno have, it’s time that […]

(@Benglorious) If Anderlecht play anything like Chelsea then we should beat them comfortably unless United play like Chelsea because that would result in a draw unless Anderlecht play like United which would also finish as a draw. Maths is hard. m Prediction: United to come out all guns blazing. Anderlecht to refuse to come out because […]

Before the game the naysayers were all like: “They can’t compete!” “There’s no way they’re going to get anything from this!” “The line-up isn’t good enough!” “Not strong enough!” “The great days are long gone!” “Blah-Blah-Blah” “Clown-shoes!” “Etc!”… And then we set the internet on fire with a another a great a joke. There was […]

(@Benglorious) m Is Eddie Redmayne the new Hugh Grant or does he just need to speak up a bit? This reporter says ‘yes’. Luckily, the memory of every word he said too quietly in that film last night will soon be erased by the complete demolition of United by this season’s champions-elect, Chelsea. Was that […]

Who knew that a team without Ander Herrera would lose to a team with 97 Kantes spread out over the pitch in parts of the pitch that are undetectable to the human eye?! It’s always good to remember that in losing this game we have successfully avoided all the big teams in the semi-final draw. […]

(@Benglorious) Last time we played Chelsea we did something, but that was in the league. This is the real test – the FA Cup. Our last meeting with Chelsea in this competition resulted in something. As the current holders, United need to prove they’re better than Chelsea by channelling the cup spirit of Lincoln and […]