Chelsea

Palace 1 - 2 United

Palace 1 – 2 United

United reaffirmed their not drawing all the games ever credentials with a not a draw that takes them within a very tall giant’s breath of Chelsea at the top of the table, and a very, very, very tall man who failed to get his giant’s licence on a technicality’s breath of the Champions League places. […]

Swansea 1 - 3 United

Swansea 1 – 3 United

United RE-LIT THE MATCH of title challenges, with a ROCKET from Pogba and a couple of SPARKLERS from Zlatan, and a FIRE performance that would have made Guy Fawkes proud. Except they completed what they set out to do. Although in conceding a goal in the second half, they actually were getting quite close to the […]

Chelsea 4 - 0 United

Chelsea 4 – 0 United

Blah blah blah Mourinho at Chelsea! Blah blah blah Mourinho at United! Blah blah blah Mourinho at Chelsea? Blah blah blah Mourinho at United? I wish I could read more about this, but my eyes are full of all the interesting opinions and statistics. Like he said himself, he’s ‘not 99% United and 1% Chelsea’. […]

Chelsea vs. United

Chelsea vs. United

 (@Benglorious) Chelsea have been promising for years to make tomorrow blue, but then they also enjoy tickling bums with celery. Why these two things are mutually exclusive, only scientists know. Not just any old-geezer-teaching-chemistry-in-an-Essex-secondary-school-who-got-handsy-that-time-after-school-when-he-was-demonstrating-the-various-properties-of-alkali-metals scientist, I’m talking real scientists, such as professors Cox, Hawking and Green. I’ve forgotten my point.   Prediction: Chelsea to hopefully […]

Paul's House Puppets: David Luiz

Paul’s House Puppets: David Luiz

Paul's House Puppets: Diego Costa

Paul’s House Puppets: Diego Costa

Paul's House Puppet: Conte

Paul’s House Puppet: Conte

Chelsea 1 - 1 United

Chelsea 1 – 1 United

After promising to do a win, with some promising doings, Vangle’s boychilds allowed a sexy baddy with a pair of dirty knickers on his face grab a late equalizerer. Even though we’re writing this after the Sunderland game, and the 1 Euro League, we’re looking forward to taking this promisingness into the next two games […]

United 0 - 0 Chelsea

United 0 – 0 Chelsea

David Moyes must be turning in his shallow grave. At least that would explain why the top soil is moving. Which one of us decided burying him alive was the best idea? How was I to know his skin was fire-retardant? Thank god I had the genius idea to remove his teeth. And that £2.80 […]

United vs Chelsea

United vs Chelsea

     Benno (@Benglorious) All those 0-0 predictions I’ve made this season were just a little joke. Except nobody’s laughing anymore. A 0-0 today would be like that one-minute-to-midnight-phonecall-from-the-Governor-to-the-Warden-who-is-stood-by-the-phone-in-the-execution-chamber-but-as-a-metaphor-for-Vangle’s-job-security-not-his-actual-life-hanging-in-the-balance-I-don’t-know-when-to-stop-with-the-hyphens-I’m-gonna-risk-it-with-a-full-stop. Imagine needing a landline as a lifeline lol. I’ve forgotten my point. Prediction: Vangle to STOKE the fires that have long lain dormant in this United side. […]

Footballiversity #11 – September 2015

Multiversity was a DC comics series written by Grant Morrison. Every month saw a story loosely tied around a seemingly haunted comic book. Footballiversity and the various numbered Footballiverses are a shameless rip-off of the comics device (found elsewhere too, of course) of using parallel universes when you have nothing else to write about, and […]

Footballiversity #6

Multiversity is an ongoing DC comics series written by Grant Morrison. Every month sees a story in a different version of the DC universe (eg kids of the well-known heroes who have nothing to do because their parents created a utopia where the bad guys can never win) loosely tied around a seemingly haunted comic […]

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