Henrikh Mkhitaryan

United 4 (Four) - 0 West Ham

United 4 (Four) – 0 West Ham

We haven’t won the English Premier League on the first day of the season since that great day back in 1966! All the squad can now look forward to taking a well deserved tour of all them countries who haven’t bought enough shirts and that, until next August. Here’s 5 things we learnt/ed: 1. Winning […]

EL Final: Ajax 0 - 2 United

EL Final: Ajax 0 – 2 United

AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US! AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE UUUUUSSSS… WE’RE GONNA WIN THE europa LEAGUE cup!! Here’s 5 things we learned on this historic night for Wayne Rooney: 1. Seems we are now in a Champions League? Also seems Arsenal aren’t. So. Many. Lols. 2. Herrera […]

Tottenham Hotspur vs. United

Tottenham Hotspur vs. United

(@Benglorious) Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over yet? Is the season over […]

Sunderland 0 - 3 United

Sunderland 0 – 3 United

Captain. Leader. Legend. Haterz gonna hate, but Fella’s gonna regulate! Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Goals are good.  

EL: Rostov 1 - 1 United

EL: Rostov 1 – 1 United

Our exclusive fan poll after the game revealed that, of the 665 billion United fans around the world, over 70% would rather eat their own death than watch the second leg of this game. In other news, our Kickstarter to have this game struck from the records has been flagged by the financial ombudsman, as […]

FA Cup: Blackburn 1 - 2 United

FA Cup: Blackburn 1 – 2 United

Magical Jose Mourinho used the magic of the cup to make magical Zlatan and magical Pogba magically appear on the pitch and magically create and magically score the magical winning magic. And now you’re gonna etc… Here’s 5 magical things we magic: 1. Brett is bad. 2. He was working. If anything he’s a working […]

Leicester 0 - 3 United

Leicester 0 – 3 United

Leicester City are Champions. We beat the Champions. We stay 6th. When did this conspiracy start? Where did it start? How did it start? Where will it end? When will it end? How will it end? Is that enough words for hot content? One more word makes it a round 100 words. Perfect.   Here’s […]

United 3 - 1 Sunderland

United 3 – 1 Sunderland

As predicted, if Benno used Brett’s lyrics then world famousness would come a-knocking … and now Benno is the world famousest for being a ‘Tollesbury Gamer’ who played a computer games a month ago or something. Idgi.   Here’s 5 things we learned between the mountains of blow and fountains of boobies:   1. Winning […]

B.Atkinson: Mkhitaryan

B.Atkinson: Mkhitaryan

S.Ting: Henrikh Mkhitaryan

S.Ting: Henrikh Mkhitaryan

United 1 - 0 Spurs

United 1 – 0 Spurs

Still not fully recovered from writing all those words last time around. Bite me. Here’s 5 things that we learned: 1. Mkhitaryan is gud. 2. More than 1 goal would be gud. 3. Where’s my money? 4. Who are we and what are we doing?

United vs. Spurs

United vs. Spurs

 (@Benglorious) It’s Christmas time, there’s no need to be afraid: Lads, it’s Tottenham.   Prediction: High hopes from the fans to be dashed expertly. 0-0 United.    (@tom_mcghee) Where did Sharky and George get their judicial authority? I mean, they were set-up as private detectives yet acted more like an aquatic Batman and Robin (i.e. […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...

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