Jose

CL: United 2 - 0 Benfica

CL: United 2 – 0 Benfica

Daley Blind > Anthony Martial > Romelu Lukaku > Jose Mourinho > Daley Blind. Here’s 5 things we learned about football: 1. Equality is good, but kids shouldn’t be professional goalkeepers. 2. Unless they play for anyone else. 3.The hidden blade is back, baby, and it’s fucking siiiiiiiiick. 4. deli alley’s goals were good.

United vs. Palace

United vs. Palace

m (@Benglorious) Finally we have come to the final game of the season. No more football after this final game for a whole four years. Or two if you count the Euros. I don’t know about you, but I’m actually looking forward to extra helpings of politics once the football is done. Long live the Queen. […]

Southampton vs United

Southampton vs United

(@Benglorious) Southampton are yet another of those teams that played Sunderland one day and stole their kits. Seriously:  why do so many teams have the same kits? I may be colour-blind, but even I know there’s enough colours in a set of Crayolas for every team to have a different colour shirt. Southampton could easily […]

Totspurs 2 - 1 United

Totspurs 2 – 1 United

Did you ever hear the best-selling, blockbuster movie story about the basket of all the disappointment that we sucked on after Wednesday 24th May 2017? No. Well, we’ve copyrighted it. And our lawyers are completing their online lawyer course. So, bite our bangers. Here’s 5 things we learndured: 1. Rooney still has a lot to […]

Terence Trent Derby Day

Terence Trent Derby Day

(@Benglorious) With every player except Rashford out injured, this game should be a fucking doddle. m Prediction: JoMo to take PeeGee to coaching school, which is actually just called a school because synonymomical tautology innit, and we all know what a great player he was. 0-0 United. m m  (@tom_mcghee) Pep. Unsure this qualified as a […]

B. Eyed Peas: Jose

B. Eyed Peas: Jose

EFLC Semi Final: Hull 2 (2) - (3) 1 United

EFLC Semi Final: Hull 2 (2) – (3) 1 United

Another defeat! This United is not the United I know and love. I always knew this wouldn’t work out. Mourinho is a massive belOH … WAIT! Another cup final! This United is the United I know and love. I always knew this would work out. Mourinho is a massive bellend. Here’s 5 things we learned: […]

United 0 - 0 Burnley

United 0 – 0 Burnley

Another day, another 0-0 thrashing dealt out by the Mighty All Blanks! Looking forward to us introducing the Daba before matches, to psyche out opponents. Jose genuinely proved how much he genuinely cares about football by getting himself genuinely sent to the stands for being genuinely angry about the football he still genuinely cares so […]

United 1 - 2 City

United 1 – 2 City

Now we’re world famous across all 3 continents, after being nominated for the FBAs, we have no time to watch this shit – what with all the after-dinner mints, meating and grating, and opining of Supermarkets. Oooh, ruddy Tescos. Tesno more like. Our PA told us to say lol @ Bravo’s footwork and his ability […]

United vs. Southampton

United vs. Southampton

“Johnny Three-Names pulls aside the beaded curtain of uncertainty”    Benno (@Benglorious) Sticking to our weird, recent theme of not doing our previews half an hour before kick off means that I actually have time to do some research for tonight’s (actually tomorrow’s (no, I’m not a time-traveller (or was I?).) game) – It’s Friday. Jesus died […]

Bournemouth 1 - 3 United

Bournemouth 1 – 3 United

Bournemouth were left speechless – GEDDIT?! cos mouth – as Juan Marta – GEDDIT?! cos sub – Wane Rooney – GEDDIT?! cos last 21 years – and Zlatan Ibrahitthenets – GEDDIT?! cos goals – hit them for six divided by two – GEDDIT?! cos maths and idiom*. If the English Premier League stopped right now […]

Mourinho

Mourinho

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...

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