United vs. Stoke

United vs. Stoke

  (@Benglorious) Can’t believe Stoke got a new manager today. Really can’t believe Stoke got a new manager at all. All I know about Paul Lambert is that he defeated the Kurgan and tasted that sweet, sweet Quickening. Prediction: It’s a kind of magic. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) I am not writing another preview until […]

United 1 - 1 Stoke

United 1 – 1 Stoke

24 shots and one score. Not sure why people are disappointed. Sounds like a great party. Agent Hobo Chicken Fingerer Welsh Pirlo gave our boys one hell of a gingham pressing today. And as Sparky Marky Mark Hughesy Hughes said, it was totally utterly and thoroughly deserved. So it must be true. Cos he’s as […]

United 3 – 0 Stoke

With heavy heart we bid a fond farewell and wave a tear-stained hanky to the goalless first half feats of yesteryear. Hoping this is merely a blip tbh. Jesse-dawg, Martial-dawg, and Roon-dawg proved themselves to be the swashbuckliest of swasherers, with net-bulging scorings that could shiver the timbers of the mightiest haunted pirate tree on […]

Stoke 2 - 0 United

Stoke 2 – 0 United

Us can’t even remember if this was 2-1 or 2-0 tbh. Luckily no one keeps score. That Arnautsausage goal was a banger. That’s funny cos his name is sausage and banger is a sausage in Stoketown. It stayed hit. And is now orbiting John Lewis. John Lewis wasn’t available for comment, cos he’s filming the […]

Stoke vs United

Stoke vs United

   Benno (@Benglorious) It’s Christmas. Can’t believe our ruddy brave heroic footballers are actually playing football instead of watching Simpsons repeats or pretending to love their families. Prediction: Vangle to slam those h8trz with goals and points. Three of each is exactly what Dr Nick ordered. Hi, everybody! 0-0 United.     Tom (@tom_mcghee) SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS […]

United vs Stoke

United vs Stoke

Benno (@Benglorious): Feeling better about myself tonight after missing out on the weekend’s shenanigans in Manchester.  This is purely down to Tom telling me “it was the worst weekend ever…. You’d have hated it… The football was rubbish… That Rantcast fella is a nasty piece of work”.  Thanks, mate. Stoke are the visitors to Old […]

CL: United (0) vs Olympiacos (2)

Ben (Benglorious): Here we are at last.  The defining match of our pitiful season, 2-0 down to arguably the weakest team left in the Champions League.  I say “arguably” simply because that’s the done thing and I can’t bring myself to say that actually we’re the weakest team left.  Unarguably. We all know Moyes won’t […]

Stoke City vs United

Stoke City vs United

    Ben (Benglorious): This is my second effort for Bifurcated.  I’m assuming I’m supposed to write something purely because: 1) I haven’t been told otherwise; b) I haven’t been killed with murder; and, iii) I literally have nothing better to do with my time.  Just realised that this will also be Mata’s second outing […]

LC: Stoke vs United

LC: Stoke vs United

Nowadays, under Sparky (or as he’s now known ‘Mark Hughes’), tonight’s opponents can be weaselly distinguished, by their stokally different playing style, or something. I didn’t really think that opening sentence through. I imagine they’re still the same: Crouch with the occasional bit of magic and less occasional attempt at an overhead kick when it’s […]

United 3 - 1 QPR

United 3 – 1 QPR

Typical, I’m away for a few days and not only does Jonny Evans return, but he goes and scores and I miss two golden opportunities to unveil my Jonny picture. There were a few minutes where some of you may have been crossing your fingers, hoping QPR would keep their lead so, – as promised […]

United vs QPR

United vs QPR

There’s a script somewhere that has Sparky beating us and therefore saving his job – the only problem is the plot is riddled with character flaws. I’m willing to go as far as to say that if we lose this game, I will stop writing these things for good. Oi! Who said they’d “be supporting […]

Saving private Ryan thoughts...

Saving private Ryan thoughts…

I have a confession to make, I’m not proud of it and if I’m honest I think I’m a bit scared about the ramifications of putting it down on paper. I’m anxious about giving it flesh, giving it a physical reality where previously it’s only resided in the deepest, darkest recesses of my simple brain. […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...