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Arsenal 2 – 0 United

Arsenal 2 - 0 United

Football fans are weird. Bad weird. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Always check the location of water pipes before you screw a floorboard down 2. Bahahahahahaha but seriously unlucky with that 3. After replacing drilled pipe, a handy hint...

Arsenal vs. United

Arsenal vs. United

(@Benglorious) I am unable. Prediction: Brett will hope to find the last Arsenal preview where he hopes I also said I am unable but will actually find something annoyingly passable as a preview so will just copy and paste from my WhatsApp message where...

CL: United 0 - 2 PSG

CL: United 0 – 2 PSG

One for the grandkids … “Where were you when Ole Gunnar Solskjaer lost his one and only game as manager of Manchester United Football Club”? That Alexis7 hatty is going to be even more sweeter, now he’s decided to wait until the second leg. I wonder what they will make his statue out of? These reporters say, clay, made from shit…   Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Everyone hates Sanchez. He’s like the anti-Raymond...

CL: United vs. PSG

CL: United vs. PSG

  (@Benglorious) Based on logic, in which I have an extremely pointless qualification, Ole has never lost a game as United manager therefore he can’t ever lose a game. Further evidence of this is his unbeaten managerial record in the Champions League. You can’t argue with reasoning like this because I will destroy you, possibly with De Morgan’s theorem (shout out to the logic nerds). Prediction: Some Frenchmen to put in good performances. 0-0 United...

Fulham 0 - 3 United

Fulham 0 – 3 United

“We’ve finally got our United back!” Plastics. We remained Top Reds throughout. No need to look back through our previews and reviews over the last 3 years.  The science checks out.   Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Glad I’m not a Chelsea fan 2. Which team do you support, again? 3. The best one 4. City 5. For now 6. Lol cos Liverpool and City keep swapping who are the best ones and the...

Fulham vs. United

Fulham vs. United

  (@Benglorious) Lol @ Brett for doing a preview. M  (@tom_mcghee) Not doing one cos I did one and no-one did last week. Losers. MM (@bifurcated_utd) Finally the opportunity to MEAT the Full ham not just the West, or Totten, or Soutpton varieties. Prediction: Vegan outrage. Which doesn’t amount to much as they are so tired and weak all the time. 0-0 United.

Leicester 0 - 1 United

Leicester 0 – 1 United

In memory of the Tree, United scrapped to a tense one goal victory with no plan b. Goodnight sweet branchy cunt. Here’s another 5 things learned: 1. Arsenal are very bad 2. Rashford is very good. 3. Don’t do a preview before anyone else you’re wasting your life.

Leicester vs. United

Leicester vs. United

  (@Benglorious) Glol at that lonely cunt below. That’ll learn him for never doing words. M  (@tom_mcghee) ‘I before E except after C’. Leicester. Somebody’s lying. The Big Questions (11.30am sunday) This show is on every week and is fantastic. Ally awful. Starts slow but by the end they’re all shouting over each other like ruddy idiots. Absolutely zero achieved. This week’s big questions: 1. Has social media ruined childhood? (No) 2. Is Feminism in...

United 2 - 2 Burnley

United 2 – 2 Burnley

Imagine watching that game and using it as evidence to prove that Ole shouldn’t be the manager. And also focussing on the City result. Abs Clown Shoes imho. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. #JoseIn 2. Fuck City.

United vs. Burnley

United vs. Burnley

FAC: Arsenal 1 - 3 United

FAC: Arsenal 1 – 3 United

Tis oft said (BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA like olden days language innit. Like Quaff, or Peacock Feathers) that the FA Cup is a magical competition, where miracles abound etc etc … Alexis Sanchez. Here’s another 5 things we learned: 1. Jesse moonwalking all over the pitch is the greatest celebration of all time and anyone who disagrees is a Nazi 2. Lol @ Arsenal 3. The arsenal players were tired because their manager drank all their blood with...

FAC: Arsenal vs. United

FAC: Arsenal vs. United

(@Benglorious) Finally got round to making a Tom/Ole face/off picture for his bio after he’s cried like John Terry for seven games. Unfortunately, this has left me no time to complete my F.A. Cup pre Prediction: Sanchez to do a good thing, Pogba to do a better thing, football to be the real winner. 0-0 United. M  (@tom_mcghee) Love United, hate Sanchez* *unless he scores a winner tonight in which case this was just a...

United 2 - 1 Brighton

United 2 – 1 Brighton

7 is the magic number as the Neneh Cherry ft. Youssou N’Dour and Brad Pitt song goes. What’s with the Neneh Cherry references in the last two weeks? Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. And now you’re gonna believe us… 2. And now you’re gonna believe us… 3. And now you’re gonna belieeeeeeve uuuuuusss… 4. We’re gonna win the 5th place Europa Cup automatic qualification 2. Didn’t watch it as I was watching Gotham. Buy...

United vs. Brighton

United vs. Brighton

m (@Benglorious) It was my job this week to look up what ‘Albion’ meant. So, today we are playing Brighton and Past Tense of Heave England or Britain. No wonder nobody likes them. Prediction: Ole makes it seven out of seven in a seven goal drubbing of poor old Brighton. Mourinho takes the credit. 0 – 0 United. M  (@tom_mcghee) Why is my face still Rooney? Who the fuck knows but I’m pretty sure these...

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

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