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Bournemouth vs. United

Bournemouth vs. United

(@Benglorious) I am on holiday so suck your disappointment right on its dick. Prediction: Me to ruin my holiday for me (I’m obvs on holiday alone cos me) by constantly checking my phone to see what great a jokes Brett...

United 0 – 1 West Brom

United 0 - 1 West Brom

whnwkmkcsmklsnncjknsjdkcnjsnjkdnfjnsdcjnbkbkbkbfokbofbkofbkfbmkfmbmmfgdsajkhhwuoahvuinsadivninavnianvniavna xjkcsdcsdnsajvnsjvnsjdv;sdnvsdn;anvsdnavlsdlka;vnsalnvlsdnvlsd etc Here’s 5 things we sjdhfkjsdahvcjksdjkbvjkdsbauibfewbacinjknlakwecnwamc: 1. Well done, City. We’ll try harder next season maybe. 2. Fuck City suck it you blue fucks. 3. We are terrible at football.

Bifur-tweeted MBM

Bifur-Tweeted

bifurcated_utdbifurcated.co.uk
@bifurcated_utd:
RT @UtdRantcast: Picasso had his blue period, Louis van Gaal had his Nick Powell period.
24 months ago from Twitter for Android

Bi-Benno: United Acrostics...

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250ney! Revroo!!
Features, New things..., United stuff

250ney! Revroo!!

  Wayne Mark Rooney. Captain. Leader. Legend. 250 goals scored in a United shirt to take the record out of Sir Bobby Charlton’s skeletal grasp. To put that in perspective: If he played for another 36 years he’d have 1000…

United 2 - 1 Liverpool

United 2 – 1 Liverpool

Bahahahahahahahahahaha Graeme Souness. Face. 5 things learned: 1. Beating Liverpool is legit the best. 2. Second is Souness’ salty salty tears. Man forgot how to form sentences hahahahahaha 3. Rashford is better than the thing you like. 4. Poor old Jamie Carragher. Sad indictment of our nation when a grown man can no longer spit into a teenage girl’s face without reprisal. This is like the avocado thing all over again. 5. Crufts.    

United vs. Liverpool

United vs. Liverpool

  (@Benglorious) Brett is in Poland so we have no natural leader or a jokes. Prediction:  0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) As above. That aside, pretty good. Prediction: 0-0 United. m (@bifurcated_utd) I’m in Poland. In minus 26 temperatures. Survival is my priority. Prediction: Death. 0-0 United.

Crystal Palace 2 - 3 United

Crystal Palace 2 – 3 United

Mourinho and the United Red Boys of Old Dreams Trafford turned the clock back to the good old days. Of this season. Shit for most of the game. Not shit when we do something not shit. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. I actually got a tiny bit excited about a game for the first time since the war. 2. On drugs. 3. Not my favourite war. Falklands if you’re asking. They say it was...

Crystal Palace vs. United

Crystal Palace vs. United

  (@Benglorious) Prediction: Below is an idiot. They know what he looks like. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) No words today due to the Academy’s shameful lack of recognition for Thor. For shame. Prediction: Repost to above: He’s had a haircut. 0-0 United. m (@bifurcated_utd) I’m not doing words cos it’s us playing against a team even worse at football than us. Prediction: 0-0 United.

United 2 - 1 Chelsea

United 2 – 1 Chelsea

I don’t need to write anything about the game here, as the 5 things we learned bit below more than makes up the word count. Here’s  5 things we learned: 1. The best bit was tasting Graeme’s salty tears. 2. Other good bits were Lukaku and Pogba and Matic. 3. Sanchez was not a good bit. 4. Maybe we can swap him back but let them keep Mkhyitaryan. 5. That’s pretty good. For one of...

United vs. Chelsea

United vs. Chelsea

  (@Benglorious) Remember that time we beat Chelsea because Herrera stood on top of their best player for the whole match like a tiny Spanish hat? Well, today we’re fucked because Ander’s only gone and got himself a terminal injury as per BT Sport’s insightful commentary team. Maybe we could just try and beat them without resorting to cheating. Maybe we could just try scoring goals. Maybe we could just try scoring a goal. Maybe...

CL: Sevilla 0 - 0 United

CL: Sevilla 0 – 0 United

We had to endure a WhatsApp group chat with real talk from McGhee. This game was bad. Or at least some aspect of it was. Whatever McGhee was talking about. Dunno. Didn’t read it.     Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. So confused. Before the game everyone was mad about Pogba not playing in what looked like a 433 but then he came on really early and we still didn’t win or play that...

CL: Sevilla vs. United

CL: Sevilla vs. United

(@Benglorious) No idea how Sevilla got to play in the Champions League after being relegated last season, but that Agbonlahor is a hell of a player. Prediction: Hawkeye to actually draw a straight line. Black Widow to confiscate his crayons. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) I cannot do words as I am too busy watching the U19s play Liverpool in the last 16 of the UEFA Youth League. Like a real top red supporter fan. You...

FAC: Huddersfield 0 - 2 United

FAC: Huddersfield 0 – 2 United

As the mighty Red Army from Manchester goes marching on to Wemberleeeeee gloreeeeee in spite of VAR and its fascist regime of hate and bigotry. I forgot my point. <—–That picture actually matches the narrative. Who’d have thought.   Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Lukaku is the greatest striker in the history of the sport. 2. Coco is a really lovely, heartwarming film. Pixar, you’ve done it again. 3. Is this Paul? 4. It...

Alexis

Alexis

FAC: Huddersfield vs. United

FAC: Huddersfield vs. United

    (@Benglorious) Instead of starring in film trailers or pimping out tractors, I wish our players would sometimes let loose and steal a taxi or dress as a suicide bomber or add their brand to a Flowers of Manchester memorial or even just do a silly dance on Instagram. Football is too money-oriented these days, proved by our own Paul Pogba spending his entire £465 million salary on haircuts simply to spite Garth Crooks....

Newcastle 1 - 0 United

Newcastle 1 – 0 United

Phil Jones and Chris Smalling are the best. BEST. ABSO BEST. In a parallel Universe Jose got his wish and the game is still being played. It’s currently 9087 – 0. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. I didn’t watch the game because I wasn’t watching it. 2. My new jam is Taken The Series. It’s pointless. 3. I’ve got 30+ quests to do on Skyrim and I’m starting to feel a teeny bit overwhelmed....

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...

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