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EL: LASK 0 – 5 United

EL: LASK 0 - 5 United

Brett got back from Poland safely. Shame. tbh.

EL: LASK vs. United

EL: LASK vs. United

    (@Benglorious)   Prediction:  M  (@tom_mcghee)   Prediction:   M (@bifurcated_utd) I’m on my way back from Poland, so, give me a chance to catch up on the posts not posted… Prediction: see above.

Bifurclownshoes "Season" Review
Features, New things...

Bifurclownshoes “Season” Review

*abso maverick glolorific intro to rapturous applause* *from Paul*   Here’s some questions we asked each other to pad this excuse for Tom to share his considered thoughts on the 2018/19 season:   1. What shape is a/the wheel? Benno:…

EL: Club Bruge 1 - 1 United

EL: Club Bruge 1 – 1 United

Aah 2019/2020 disappointment, we’d missed you. Give us a hug you big beautiful emotion you. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Changing six players was a mistake. A very large mistake. The kind of mistake you’d expect from a manager at Cardiff or something 2. Bruno looks good 3. Prefer Borat tbqfhwy 4. We’re better than that 5. lol @ 4. 6. not sure disappointment is an ‘emotion’ tbf 7. it is when you support United !!...

EL: Club Bruges vs. United

EL: Club Bruges vs. United

Words lol fuck that tin pot Europe nonces

Chelsea 0 - 2 United

Chelsea 0 – 2 United

Bahahahahahahahaha let’s see how long we can keep this up clue: not very long. Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Having a midfielder who can pass accurately and quickly is handy. Also a guy who can take corners. Seems so obvious with hindsight. 2. Fred is a delight 3. Luke Shaw is quite clearly 90% pancakes now 4. I liked it when Scud was telling Blade that he’d been a familiar the whole time and...

Chelsea vs. United

Chelsea vs. United

(@Benglorious) I must say I did enjoy the footage of our brave boys playing ping pong with a football in the sun. Really going to help them claw their way back into the champions league spots. Prediction: Martial with a brace using the penhold grip and a ton of topspin. 0-0 United M  (@tom_mcghee) During my hours of background research for this feature I learnt that Chelsea was first a place name of Old English...

United 0 - 0 Wolves

United 0 – 0 Wolves

United vs. Wolves

United vs. Wolves

EFLC: City (3) 0 - 1 (2) United

EFLC: City (3) 0 – 1 (2) United

They say that sometimes when you win you actually lose, and that when you lose you sometimes actually win, and that when you win, you actually win, and the same goes for losing. I wish they’d make up their minds. I need a bag of aspirin. Here’s 5 things we learned on the night we finally kissed goodbye to our quadruple dreams: 1. Fuck you city and fuck you pep we won you so hard...

EFLC: City (3) vs. (1) United

EFLC: City (3) vs. (1) United

   (@tom_mcghee) Can’t do words tonight pals I am too tired from all the masturbating Prediction: Dutch rudder the fuck outta me bro   (@Benglorious) I’m with Tom. Like, we’re in the same place. Wanking too much Prediction: Pass the butter   (@bifurcated_utd) I’ve got a feeling (Woohoo!) that tonight’s gonna be a good night, that tonight’s gonna be a good good night… This is going to be Bayern CL final 99 x PSG CL 2019!...

(FAC): Tranmere 0 - 6 United

(FAC): Tranmere 0 – 6 United

Serious question: do Harry Maguire goals even count if they are not thumping headers? i.e. is the score really 0 – 5? Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. We seem a lot better when our opponents are a league or 4 below us – maybe something to look at in the future? 2. 6 goals, 6 different scorers, 6 infinity stones – coincidence? Yes. 3. Phil Jones. I’m glad he got something he’s had a...

(FAC): Tranmere vs. United

(FAC): Tranmere vs. United

(@Benglorious) There’s part of me that knows we will win comfortably like the champions of old unfortunately I left that part in an airport Wetherspoons three years ago Prediction: we’re not doing the 5 preview thing cos I fucked up M  (@tom_mcghee) I knew the magic of the cup would re-unite the three amigos (friends). Sadly, much like the real three amigos (friends), we are now all old and bitter and bereft of hope and Chevy...

United 0 - 2 Burnley

United 0 – 2 Burnley

2-2 aggregate, so, technically not a net loss, and worth every penny of the licence fee to watch the highlights on Match of the Day of that Jay Rodriguez worldy tbh Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. We should skip to the part where Gollum falls into Mount Doom 2. We should then point and laugh 3. Juan Mata’s beard makes him look like Juan Mata when he’s turned to drink and class As 4....

United vs. Burnley

United vs. Burnley

With Marcus Rashford attending manual handling training for company compliance the goals scoring duties will have to be shared between the ghost of Ruud, Andreas from 59 yards, and O.G Here’s 5 things that, like our midfield, aren’t really things at all: 1. Someone pressed delete instead of copy on the WhatsApp group pre-match thoughts, so suck on your disappointment 2. Probably Benno 3. Or Tom 1. “Now is not the time to talk about...

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...