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United 3 – 2 Newcastle

United 3 - 2 Newcastle

  Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. I learnt nothing. I actually unlearnt stuff I thought I knew ie what the fuck was that game? 2. Pogba was great second half. I feel like I should say this because I...

United vs. Newcastle

United vs. Newcastle

(@Benglorious) Couldn’t.  (@tom_mcghee) Care. (@bifurcated_utd) Less.

Bifur-tweeted MBM

RT @UtdRantcast: Picasso had his blue period, Louis van Gaal had his Nick Powell period.
31 months ago from Twitter for Android

Bi-Benno: United Acrostics...


Watford 1 - 2 United

Watford 1 – 2 United

And it seems to me you play your games Like a team in the wind Never fading in the second half When the pain set in And your football will always fall here Along England’s greenest pitches Your team burned out long before Our Lukaku ever will.   Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Alexis Sanchez is this generations William Prunier ie the very worst 2. No sign of Marcus Rashford. Or his body. Cover-up?...



(@Benglorious) I am not doing my dogshit words today cos I am sick and tired of always being upstaged by Brett and his really amazing words. Skip to the end to read Brett’s part, and don’t read this to avoid disappointment. Prediction: You will have already have skipped to the end cos Me and Mcghee. m  (@tom_mcghee) Hearing rumours that Watford are actually good now and have 12 points from a possible 12 points. Stick that in...

Burnley 0 - 2 United

Burnley 0 – 2 United

To drive traffic to the Bif site we have put the word Google in to this opening paragraph. All we need do now is wait for Lady Fame to come a-knocking…     Here are the 5 things we feel most beneficial to share with you all from the any number of things (5) we learned: 1. Best team in the world. No question. 2. The reason Magdalene College is pronounced ‘maudlin’ is because of...

Burnley vs. United

Burnley vs. United

    (@Benglorious) I have a friend named Lee and if someone told me to burn him it would be far less painful than watching United. I don’t really have a friend named Lee but I would burn him just for this joke. Burnley, Brighton, who gives a fuck? Currently, we couldn’t beat a twitter 6-a-side team, but tbf those must actually be pretty good due to the amount they’re mentioned. Prediction: Boos, cheers, gasps, laughter,...

United 0 - 3 Spurs

United 0 – 3 Spurs

The “conjecture” after the “contest” seems “medialised” around Jose Mourinho, and his “legislative” performance, which is exactly what “they” want. Do yourselves a favour and put “” around words, so, you look “engaged” and “perceptive” and Google synonyms, so you can “echo” what other people “orate” but with your own “diacritic” stamp on it and “feign” you are “perished” clever on Twitter.   Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Using a chainsaw to remove tree...

United vs. Spurs

United vs. Spurs

      (@Benglorious) It’s only the third fucking game of the fucking season and I’m already fucking done with fucking football. Unless they bring back VAR and Russians who can literally run forever, I’m switching to rugby. And not the good one. Prediction: Hopes to be dashed quite expertly yet again. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) ‘Lads, it’s Spurs’ used to be the lightsaber of football words i.e. from a more civilised age when things...

Brighton 3 - 2 United

Brighton 3 – 2 United

This Premier League season continues to race along like a Roller Coaster in a travelling temporary funfair which was signed off by the guy on work experience: one week your enjoying the unparalleled sensation where fear and adventure abound and the next week your dead. Here’s 5 things we learned that we have never learned before. This checks out (but don’t check this (out)): 1. Brighton might be the greatest team of all time and...

Pele Pogba and Bobby Moorinho

Pele Pogba and Bobby Moorinho

"Et Tu, Woody?"

“Et Tu, Woody?”

Brighton vs. United

Brighton vs. United

        (@Benglorious) Brighton will be out for revenge today after United beat them in the 1983 FA Cup final which also saw them relegated from the old First Division. The rules were different back then. Prediction: Pogba to continue his 100% record of being in the news, Sanchez to prove he’s the new Rooney rather than the old Rooney he’s been since he got here. 0-0 United. m  (@tom_mcghee) I quite like...

United 2 - 1 Leicester

United 2 – 1 Leicester

CHAMPIONEEEES!! CHAMPIONEEEES!!! OLAY!! OLAY!! OLAY!!   That’s right … Mushrooms and Skin Cream. Mushrooms and Skin Cream.   Here’s 5 things we learned (we actually learned 6 things but Brett’s 6th thing was diss on the NHS, so, he is a “bad” “guy”): 1. Winning is definitely better than losing. 2. Ladies and gentleman we have ourselves a left back* 3. *results based on low-calorie diet. 4. Sanchez is the new Depay/Di Maria/the guy we...

United vs Leicester

United vs Leicester

    (@Benglorious) This has been the worst summer ever. Not only did I get invited to Tom’s “house” for the annual Bifurcated BBQ, but also the only thing on telly for the whole 3 months was Danny Dyer’s daughter getting pumped. *phone rings* …….. …….. What the fuck is a world cup? The WhatsApp joke that Brett mentioned once you read it in the future was actually stolen from a Twitter DM group, which in...

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...