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Tottenham vs. United

Tottenham vs. United

m (@Benglorious) Fuck Andy Murray. I don’t hate him because he’s Scottish. I don’t hate him because he’s a miserable cunt. I don’t even hate him because he plays the most Tory of sports. I hate him because he let...

FAC: United 2 – 0 Reading

FAC: United 2 - 0 Reading

Sir Ole Gunnar FergSolkjaerson used this FA Cup tie as the perfect opportunity to show just how much we needed to pay any team to take Sanchez off of our hands. Genius imho. If only we could win every single...

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bifurcated_utdbifurcated.co.uk
@bifurcated_utd:
RT @UtdRantcast: Picasso had his blue period, Louis van Gaal had his Nick Powell period.
33 months ago from Twitter for Android

Bi-Benno: United Acrostics...

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Liverpool vs. United

Liverpool vs. United

  (@Benglorious) Prediction: See below. Also cba. M  (@tom_mcghee) Haven’t done words today as I believe my silence will inspire the team. Also why not wait until after the game and then base our preview on the result? We’ll look like Nostradamus. Prediction: Waiting until after the game to base our preview on the result to look like Nostradamus. M (@bifurcated_utd) Prediction: See above. Also cba,

UCL: Valencia 2 - 1 United

UCL: Valencia 2 – 1 United

Did you really expect any of us to watch this game? I mean seriously??!! Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Someone should just disband Manchester United. Release the players back into the wild. 2. Not Phil Jones. At this point the most humane thing is a mercy killing 3. I liked it when Pogba missed from 4yrds 4. Dead rubber smell bad 5. Plenty of people are dissing Band Manchester United, and no-one is requesting...

UCL: Valencia vs. United

UCL: Valencia vs. United

(@Benglorious) YEE-HAW HEAD ‘EM UP RIDE ‘EM OUT etc Prediction: Rubber to not have been invented yet. Hat-trick for Pogba plus a brace for Lukaku. 0-0 Valencia M  (@tom_mcghee) Why is it a dead rubber?* We don’t call a game that counts a live rubber. Rubber discrimination? Not for me to say but obviously yes. *The actual etymology of ‘dead ‘rubber’ is from the card game ‘rubber bridge’. A from of contract bridge, rubber bridge...

United 4 - 1 Fulham

United 4 – 1 Fulham

Not taking any credit for this but my stream was perfect throughout the game, so…   Here’s 5 things we learned as United continued on their voyage of discovering what it feels like to finish 6th in the Premier League table: 1. It is clear now from that one game that Paul Pogba is a consumate fraud and he is solely and entirely to blame for our current plight. 2. It is clear now from...

United vs. Fulham

United vs. Fulham

(@Benglorious) Well, Howdy partner. I didn’t (do words) also won’t (do words). Prediction: Well, Howdy partner. I didn’t (do words) also won’t (do words). 0-0 United. M  (@tom_mcghee) ‘Who is the best Ham’? is a question that has plagued mankind since we first met pigs and subsequently ate them. In this essay I will try to answer this enigma wrapped inside yet another smaller enigma, itself hiding within Brett’s spleen and/or hairline either way surgery...

United 2 - 2 Arsenal

United 2 – 2 Arsenal

Mourinho avoided handing Arsenal the Premier League Title at Old Trafford and didn’t kick a boot into David Beckham’s face after the match, so, should be seen as a vast improvement on the Fergie Era imho.   Here is another 5 things we learned, taking our total tally of learns over the last 4 years to an impressive 2: 1. Bad defending is ok as long as you endanger the opposition in an exciting manner...

United vs. Arsenal

United vs. Arsenal

(@Benglorious) Well, look who it is! Howdy pardners. Y’all ready for the rootinest, tootinest, wildest show in the West? Course ya are. Shame it’s United then. Prediction: Dat Guy Welbz to run rings around our midfield, broken foot and all. HMS Belfast to run rings around our midfield. Fuck it – Jupiter to run rings around our midfield. 4-1 United. M  (@tom_mcghee) The Joker actually said ‘this town needs an enema’ (Jack Nicholson, 1989). Now...

Southampton 2 - 2 United

Southampton 2 – 2 United

Not quite the -25 – -25 thriller the finest experts in the land were predicting but the perfectly executed plan to leave Mark Hughes available in the summer when United are looking for a Director of Football to provide the essential guidance Jose Mourinho requires for the remainder of his odyssey…     Here’s 5 things we learneded: 1. Mark Hughes may be an awful man and an even worse manager 2. I’ve forgotten my...

Southampton vs. United

Southampton vs. United

(@Benglorious) Howdy, pardner. It’s time to dust off yer six-shooter and mount up. Tonight, we ride. By tonight I mean late afternoon, and by ride I mean scrape another goalless draw. The Pools panel (ask yer da) must hate us. Prediction: All posses joined immediately and all missions completed with no software crashes. Lol more chance of a free-flowing high press from Mourinho. 0-0 United. M  (@tom_mcghee) My words are like my feelings of respect...

UCL: United 1 - 0 Young Boys

UCL: United 1 – 0 Young Boys

The warm up act to Mourinho’s performance art piece was every bit as exciting as Mourinho’s performance art piece. Here’s 5 things we learnzied: 1. Jose knows and can anticipate when a camera will be turned on him; each action is premeditated and deliberate, he is the living embodiment of the showman. Or he was just annoyed Marcus missed a sitter. Hard to tell tbh. 2. Man does that guy sure hate water tho. 3....

UCL United vs. Young Boys

UCL United vs. Young Boys

(@Benglorious) Long days and pleasant nights, pardner. Mosey on over here, take a load off and wash some of the trail out ya throat. No need to be afeared, buddy, I won’t bite ya. You like stories? An old timer like me, I got lots o’stories. Lemme tell you about this gang I knew back in the day. Great bunch of lads, real close like. Absolutely unstoppable. Swept other gangs aside from any county you...

United 0 - 0 Crystal Palace

United 0 – 0 Crystal Palace

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...

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