EL: United (2) 1 - 0 (1) Rostov

EL: United (2) 1 – 0 (1) Rostov

This game will be forever remembered for something.         Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. Didn’t watch it but got 7 trophies on Tomb Raider instead. 2. Hope this helps. 3. Like 1 but with another game and less trophies. 4. Like 1 and 3 but with a life.

EL: Rostov 1 - 1 United

EL: Rostov 1 – 1 United

Our exclusive fan poll after the game revealed that, of the 665 billion United fans around the world, over 70% would rather eat their own death than watch the second leg of this game. In other news, our Kickstarter to have this game struck from the records has been flagged by the financial ombudsman, as […]

United 1 - 1 Bournemouth

United 1 – 1 Bournemouth

At Bifurcated we have been lobbying for a long time with the footballerers: it’s such a shame these results aren’t recorded in a table or league format, because by my calculations we’d be sitting proud in 6th place, and the whole world would be saying something about it every day of the week, and every […]

FA Cup 4th Round: United 4 - 0 Wigan

FA Cup 4th Round: United 4 – 0 Wigan

I can’t remember the last time I saw a vitally important overhead kick scored with such grace. Oh no wait! … of course, there was the Berba one. I’m sure we’ll see plenty more of that from Basti over the next decade or so, and hopefully beyond. If we’d scored more, the scoreline would have […]

United 1 - 1 Scum

United 1 – 1 Scum

  CAPS LOCK AND VARIOUS BUTTONS ON MY COMPUTER HAVE LEGIT GONE TO SHIT> SEND HELP> CAN”T EVEN DO PUNCTUATION> FUCK MY LIFE> Here’s 5 things we learned, which were written before the buttons issue above: 1. Pogba is bad. 2. #Pogba is worse. 3. Hope we long ball our way to next season’s Champions League Final. […]

United vs. Scum

United vs. Scum

   (@Benglorious) Winning nine matches in a row is lovely and a real morale booster, but eight of those wins were against West Ham and the other one was just Spurs so let’s not kid ourselves. Today is the real test: Liverpool. Their league position suggests they are ahead of us and they possibly do […]

V.Ice: Fellaini

V.Ice: Fellaini

EFLC Semi Final First Leg: United 2 - 0 Hull

EFLC Semi Final First Leg: United 2 – 0 Hull

AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEVE US AND NOW YOU’RE GONNA BELIEEEEEEVE US… WE’RE GONNA WIN THE LEAGUE cup semi final first leg. Lol @ Loserpool.     Here’s 5 things we learned: 1. That Fellaini/Keane/Lily Allen gag was pretty good. 2. For you. 3. Winning is good, we should […]

United 2 - 1 Middlesborough

United 2 – 1 Middlesborough

Middlesborough offered little resilience as the Red and White and a Little Bit of Black and a Little Bit Less of Yellowy Gold Army’s 2016/2017 express train to Titletown pulled into Old Trafford Station, like a train made of goals. Pogba and Martial were the conductors collecting tickets, as the passengers from the North East […]

Everton 1 - 1 United

Everton 1 – 1 United

Marouane Fellaini helped extend United’s impressive unbeaten run to an impressive six (6) games, with a last minute cameo that saw United calve out yet another emphatic draw; cementing their position at the top of the top of mid-table. Jose Mourinho said afterwards, “Who said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to […]

C.D. Burgh: Fellaini

C.D. Burgh: Fellaini

Swansea vs. United

Swansea vs. United

 (@Benglorious) Jose has a lot to do to change United’s fortunes after suffering his eighty-ninth consecutive defeat earlier in the week. Another forty defeats or so and he may have to seriously start worrying about his job, particularly as David Moyes has won more games than him and is also available without a notice period […]

Bi-Mark: Footballiversity

Bi-Benno: Where Are They Right Now..?

Bi-Konny: Michael Owen Reads Mean Tweets...